View Full Version : The Sports Guy's World (B.S. fans thread)

01-28-2009, 12:04 PM
One writer dominates the (sportswriting) field like no other. He's got knowledge and feel for the game, and wit and humor to boot. He's Bill Simmons a writer for ESPN. Here's his Wikipedia profile:

Bill Simmons (born September 1969) is a columnist and podcaster for Page2 on ESPN.com and ESPN The Magazine. He is also known by the nicknames of "The Boston Sports Guy" or the "Sports Guy". His ESPN.com column is written from the viewpoint of a passionate Boston fan, and often uses extended analogies and references to pop culture in his columns.

He moved to Los Angeles on November 16, 2002 to work as a writer for the Jimmy Kimmel Show. He has since left the show to work full-time for ESPN. He has signed a contract to remain with ESPN until 2010.

Simmons currently hosts his own podcast on ESPN.com, ESPN Xtra, and iTunes titled "The B.S. Report". When he began his podcast on May 8, 2007, until June 14, it was called "Eye of the Sports Guy". He has also filmed segments for the television series E:60.

He set the record for the longest chat on ESPN's Sportsnation on November 28, 2007, breaking Rob Neyer's previous record. He did the chat to support ESPN's fund raising efforts for the Jimmy V Foundation for cancer. Neyer has since re-broken the record on March 31, 2008 on the opening day of the baseball season. The record now stands at 10 hours and 56 minutes.

What you like about him is the fact that he just doesn't write about basketball but about a slew of other sports as well. And when he does write about basketball, you can really feel his passion for the game.

So anyway here are a few (NBA-related and semi-related) excerpts found on his "archives" called The Sports Guy: Glossary (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/glossary")

The MJ/Rodman Corollary
You can only take a chance on a colossal head case if there's an alpha dog around to keep him in check. Just look at Dennis Rodman's career -- he was fine with Isiah and MJ and a time bomb with everyone else. Same with Vernon Maxwell and Hakeem; Dennis Johnson with Bird (everyone forgets that DJ wore out his welcome in two cities); Stephen Jackson with Duncan; even Cassell and Spree with KG last season. Crazy guys suddenly don't seem as crazy when they're playing with someone they respect.

Oh-My-God Factor:
Of course, the crucial difference between good athletes and great athletes is the "Oh My God!" factor, those occasional moments when an athlete comes up with something so astounding that we can only scream, "Oh my God!" Remember Dr. J going under the basket for that reverse against the Lakers, or Elway's lob pass to Vance Johnson in Cleveland? Oh my God. Michael Jordan is the all-time "Oh My God!" captain. Barry Sanders and Gale Sayers are charter members. Julius Erving, Magic, Dominique Wilkins and Larry Bird are all there. Elway, Marino and Joe Montana. And Favre. Jaromir Jagr, Mario Lemeiux and Wayne Gretzky. John McEnroe and Tiger Woods. Pedro, Randy Johnson and Doc Gooden. There's a special locker for Bo Jackson. Kobe Bryant is damn close. Randy Moss and Michael Vick might make The Leap soon. And we keep room on the list for anyone else capable of making plays that inspire teammates, bring fans out of their chairs, break an opponent's collective back and make you believe.

Spork Flicks
When a chick flick disguises itself as a sports movie ... that's a spork flick. "Bull Durham"? Spork flick. "Jerry Maguire," "Tin Cup" and "Love and Basketball"? Spork flicks. Heck, even "Rocky" could have been classified as a spork flick.

The Kareem Corollary:
No matter how loathsome an athlete was during his prime, once he hits his twilight years, everything's water under the bridge.

So there click on the links or search for his columns, you'd thank me (if you are not a reader yet) for introducing him to you. And if you are a reader, and a fan, high time we discuss his rather-interesting, always-fun and at times highly-innovative style in sports writing.

01-28-2009, 02:28 PM
Since All-Star weekend is approaching...
Two of my favorite Sports Guy columns were on his "Ten Ways to fix All-Star weekend"* :D

* *http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/040224 (2004)
* *http://proxy.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/020124 (2002)

01-28-2009, 03:15 PM
Since All-Star weekend is approaching...
Two of my favorite Sports Guy columns were on his "Ten Ways to fix All-Star weekend" :D

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/040224 (2004)
http://proxy.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/020124 (2002)

Annually he his these wild, wild ideas (but still very doable). i'd post a few from the links you've given for the sake of our dear posters who are too lazy click on the links :D

From 2004

What's the statute of limitations for a column about All-Star Weekend in Los Angeles? Four days? Seven days? Two weeks? Twenty-four hours? Does anyone even care anymore? Well, we're about to find out. After attending just about every event and taking a few days to reflect, I came up with 10 things that I would definitely change about the NBA's showcase event. And just to be clear -- I love the NBA. I will defend it to the death. I just feel like the weekend could be better, that's all. Every aspect should work as well as the All-Star Jam Session does. Anyway, my 10 changes, in no particular order ...

1. Pull a Steinbrenner with the prize money

Would LeBron pass up the Dunk Contest if the winner earned $500,000? Would everyone in the Rookie-Sophomore Game play defense if the winners received $100,000 per player? Would Stevie Francis be throwing up those ghastly alley-oops on Sunday if the winners received $250,000 each?
Here's the point: Money talks. These guys aren't risking embarrassment or injury for what they could make playing poker on a four-hour flight. None of them wants to look bad, and most of them value the parties over the actual events. Fine. So let's bribe them.

3. Put me in charge of restructuring the weekend

Nobody in the NBA ever listens to me. It's really frustrating. I'm about two more crappy All-Star Weekends away from getting into NASCAR or something. And you think I'm kidding.

The Poison Pill Showcase: Watch the players with the most ludicrous contracts in each conference going head-to-head, with honorary coaches Rick Pitino and Scott Layden manning the sidelines. If they don't want to play, we reserve the right to void your contract!

(Imagine the introductions, as the announcer says things like, "In the final year of a seven-year deal that pays him $45.5 million ... from the Atlanta Hawks, Alan Henderson!" and "Unable to play tonight because of a bum knee, he's making $69 million over six years ... from the Boston Celtics, Raef LaFrentz!")

Cruel and funny at the same time.

01-28-2009, 07:28 PM
i like his concept of the pantheon.

i totally agree that michael played his whole career (not including 2000 onward) in the pantheon.
hakeem, on the other hand, only had those 2 years (1994-95 and '95-96).

02-01-2009, 06:32 AM
love his reads (when i read them)

hope you enjoy the podcasts as well....

here is another interesting read website.... (not just because i comment there a lot)


02-13-2009, 04:11 PM

Yup. That is the NBA Trade Value Rankings:

Here is an excerpt:

LeBron James
Last February, I wrote that he didn't have a ceiling. This year? I figured out his ceiling. At least for right now. At age 24, he's a cross between ABA Dr. J (unstoppable in the open court, breathtaking in traffic, has the rare ability to galvanize teammates and crowds with one "Wow" play, even handles himself as well off the court) and 1992 Scottie Pippen (the freaky athletic ability on both ends, especially when he's cutting pass lines or flying in from the weak side for a block), with a little MJ (his overcompetitiveness and sense of The Moment), Magic (the unselfishness, which isn't where I thought it would be back in 2003, but at least it's in there a little) and Bo Jackson (how he can occasionally just overpower the other team in a way that doesn't seem human) mixed in ... only if all of that Molotov Superstar Cocktail was mixed together in Karl Malone's body. This is crazy. This is insane. This is unlike anything we've ever seen. And to think, LeBron doesn't even have a reliable 20-footer or a post-up game yet. See, this is only going to get better. And it's already historic.

As a Celtics fan, I shudder for the future. As an NBA fan, I am pinching myself.

Until next year.